(Written 12/30/11)
Today we are going to Clay's cousins wedding. I have mixed feelings about going. I'm glad we are able to go and congratulate her, but I wasn't supposed to be able to go. When we originally got the invite, we figured I'd be back at work and have a 2 month old so we were planning on Clay just going.
I've been trying to push as many of the "supposed to be" thoughts out of my head as possible. I believe as much as this sucks, it's part of the plan and there is a reason it happened; therefore what I am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing. There is no alternate reality where Kyler lived and I'm supposed to be taking care of him.
I go back to work in 3 days. In fact in 3 hours I'm technically off of disability. Physically I've been feeling pretty good. I still get sore but the doctor said I am healing just like I should be. I'm excited and scared to go back to work. It will be nice to have something productive to do every day and to get full paychecks, but it has been a long time since I've been expected to be productive all day every day.
The amount of patience that I have has changed drastically. I have been having a hard time not telling off people who complain about trivial things, especially if it is their kids. I want to tell them to just shut up and think about what they have. I would give anything to have a baby wake me up at night, or a kid who did a half ass job on their chores. I know that being a parent is tough and sometimes your patience is tested. I am not under any illusion that I won't get frustrated if we have more kids, but am sure that I will be a lot less likely to take them for granted then I would have. I've also been having trouble with how people treat me, but that is more my problem then theirs. I hate it when people great me like i'm broken or going to break, but I also hate it when people treat me like nothing happened. I know the middle ground is a very fine line, though so most people aren't going to get it right. I can't even explain how I want to be treated.
My niece has been in town all week. We've been having a pretty good time just hanging out and getting to know each other better. It is weird how much we have in common. Like we compared our music libraries on our computers and they were 90% or so identical. We also watch a bunch of the same tv shows. It is kinda weird but cool.
I haven't gotten the measurements for the blankets that I want to make yet, but I'm pretty sure it would be okay to make them the same size as the ones we got. I measured the one that we received though and as long as It is with in the guidelines (I don't see why it wouldn't be) we should be able to make 2 blankets out of a yard of fleece. My niece and I went and picked out some different fleece today. It was on sale for half off so we were able to get enough to make 16 blankets. That would help 8 families since we want each family to get two identical blankets like Clay and I did. I'm excited to make the blankets. The fabric we got is really cute. Of course, I wish no one needed them.
We survived Christmas. It was definitely weird. Clay and I went to visit Kyler's grave on Christmas eve. On Christmas day Clay just hung out at home and I went to my brothers for a couple hours. It wasn't a good day, or an awful one. It was just weird.
We'll start 2012 in a few days. I'm excited to put 2011 behind us and start moving toward the next chapter in our lives.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Bah Humbug
Blah, it's Christmas Eve. Neither of us are excited for Christmas this year. The first thing I actually ever bought specifically for Kyler (not just for some future baby) was a Santa suit. I found it on clearance at Fred Meyer not long after we had the positive pregnancy test, I don't think I'd even been to the doctor yet. I wish we'd been able to see him in it.
We got the tree and lights up which has helped our Christmas spirit a little. Yesterday we were given a Christmas dinner box. I think we will have it tonight. We hadn't even thought about doing a holiday dinner until it showed up at our door yesterday. We feel a little guilty about getting the dinner box. It is not like we would have gone hungry with out it, but we would not have done a Christmas dinner. I think it is good that we received it, it will help make today and tomorrow better, more special. Clay, Ranon and I will spend the night together, have a good dinner, and make some cookies. Maybe we will even leave the cookies out for Santa.
We weren't able to do presents this year. We just didn't have the money, time, motivation or spirit, but we did make one exception. We went out yesterday and bought Ranon a present. It is a puzzle toy that rewards him with treats when he figures it out. I think he'll like it. I think we'll wrap it and see if he can get it unwrapped.
We don't have much planned for tomorrow either. My brother's family is making dinner and I think I am going to go over there for a couple hours. My husband doesn't think he'll feel up to going, which is fine. I wouldn't have wanted to go to his family's this year. I'm glad my brothers is just a couple blocks from here so I can go just for a little bit. We'll just spend most of the day hanging out together.
I am excited for Monday. One of my nieces is coming to stay with us for a little while. She's 18 and I think her and I will have a good time together. She's coming in first thing Monday morning.
We got the tree and lights up which has helped our Christmas spirit a little. Yesterday we were given a Christmas dinner box. I think we will have it tonight. We hadn't even thought about doing a holiday dinner until it showed up at our door yesterday. We feel a little guilty about getting the dinner box. It is not like we would have gone hungry with out it, but we would not have done a Christmas dinner. I think it is good that we received it, it will help make today and tomorrow better, more special. Clay, Ranon and I will spend the night together, have a good dinner, and make some cookies. Maybe we will even leave the cookies out for Santa.
We weren't able to do presents this year. We just didn't have the money, time, motivation or spirit, but we did make one exception. We went out yesterday and bought Ranon a present. It is a puzzle toy that rewards him with treats when he figures it out. I think he'll like it. I think we'll wrap it and see if he can get it unwrapped.
We don't have much planned for tomorrow either. My brother's family is making dinner and I think I am going to go over there for a couple hours. My husband doesn't think he'll feel up to going, which is fine. I wouldn't have wanted to go to his family's this year. I'm glad my brothers is just a couple blocks from here so I can go just for a little bit. We'll just spend most of the day hanging out together.
I am excited for Monday. One of my nieces is coming to stay with us for a little while. She's 18 and I think her and I will have a good time together. She's coming in first thing Monday morning.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
6 Weeks In, Part 2
We went to our Share support group meeting Monday night. We were the only ones who went this month but it was still good. We spent nearly 2 hours talking to the meeting leader. She lost her son 7 years ago. It is nice to be able to just talk to someone who has been through everything and understands exactly what we are going through. I felt pretty good when we left the meeting.
While I was in the hospital, even before Kyler was actually born, the nurse brought in a variety of baby blankets for us so we could choose one for Kyler. She made sure to bring us ones she had two of so when we made a decision we actually got two identical blankets. One we could keep with us and one for him. I love that we were able to pick the blanket and that we have one and so does he. The nurse said that sometimes she has trouble finding two identical blankets among the donated blankets. It was so special and helpful to us that I decided that I want to start making blankets for them, two identical ones at a time. I wasn't sure how to execute this plan, but when I talked to our group leader about it Monday she said she could find out for me. I should have the blanket "requirements" and information on how to donate them soon. If anyone else is interested in making a couple blankets let me know and I'll get you the info as well. We chose the blanket we did because the dogs on it reminded us of our puppy, Ranon. We had been dreaming that Kyler and Ranon would be best friends, so it seemed fitting.
I went in to work today to talk to my boss about coming back. I thought that it would just be easier to talk to him about it in person then try and get it set up via email and it was. I wasn't sure what they would want me to do when I came back since I have basically been gone for 6 months and I was in a few different "roles" before I left. It looks like I am going to have a week to get back into the swing of things and then I am going to train a set of new employees. I was pretty surprised they wanted me to train almost as soon as I got back, but I always liked doing the training and not much has changed, at least in what we train, since I left, so I think it will be good. I am also going back to my same M-F schedule I've had for the past few years. I was thinking that I wanted to work four 10 hour days with Sat, Sun and Wed off, but I think I can do M-F while I am training. He said that after I am done training the new employees (training is a month) we can talk again about what "role" they want me in and the schedule.
I am getting excited about going back to work, and not just for the paychecks. I haven't really wanted to leave the house much since I got home from the hospital. Running into pregnant women and infants (especially boys) in stores and restaurants is super hard for me, but I don't have to worry about that too much at work. My department is 80% male and I am only the second woman to have a baby there in the last 4 years. I think it will be a "safe" place for me for now and it will be nice to get out of the house. Plus, if the doctor okays it, I can start using the gym at work again which should make me feel better too. I was worried about the actual "going" to work, like walking in the building and through our floor, but I was able to get that over with today too since I went in.
I start work again the first week in January. I think that is the perfect time to start, we'll leave 2011 as the year of struggle and heartbreak and move on to 2012 which will hopefully be a year of healing, helping others, and setting up a new normal for us.
While I was in the hospital, even before Kyler was actually born, the nurse brought in a variety of baby blankets for us so we could choose one for Kyler. She made sure to bring us ones she had two of so when we made a decision we actually got two identical blankets. One we could keep with us and one for him. I love that we were able to pick the blanket and that we have one and so does he. The nurse said that sometimes she has trouble finding two identical blankets among the donated blankets. It was so special and helpful to us that I decided that I want to start making blankets for them, two identical ones at a time. I wasn't sure how to execute this plan, but when I talked to our group leader about it Monday she said she could find out for me. I should have the blanket "requirements" and information on how to donate them soon. If anyone else is interested in making a couple blankets let me know and I'll get you the info as well. We chose the blanket we did because the dogs on it reminded us of our puppy, Ranon. We had been dreaming that Kyler and Ranon would be best friends, so it seemed fitting.
I went in to work today to talk to my boss about coming back. I thought that it would just be easier to talk to him about it in person then try and get it set up via email and it was. I wasn't sure what they would want me to do when I came back since I have basically been gone for 6 months and I was in a few different "roles" before I left. It looks like I am going to have a week to get back into the swing of things and then I am going to train a set of new employees. I was pretty surprised they wanted me to train almost as soon as I got back, but I always liked doing the training and not much has changed, at least in what we train, since I left, so I think it will be good. I am also going back to my same M-F schedule I've had for the past few years. I was thinking that I wanted to work four 10 hour days with Sat, Sun and Wed off, but I think I can do M-F while I am training. He said that after I am done training the new employees (training is a month) we can talk again about what "role" they want me in and the schedule.
I am getting excited about going back to work, and not just for the paychecks. I haven't really wanted to leave the house much since I got home from the hospital. Running into pregnant women and infants (especially boys) in stores and restaurants is super hard for me, but I don't have to worry about that too much at work. My department is 80% male and I am only the second woman to have a baby there in the last 4 years. I think it will be a "safe" place for me for now and it will be nice to get out of the house. Plus, if the doctor okays it, I can start using the gym at work again which should make me feel better too. I was worried about the actual "going" to work, like walking in the building and through our floor, but I was able to get that over with today too since I went in.
I start work again the first week in January. I think that is the perfect time to start, we'll leave 2011 as the year of struggle and heartbreak and move on to 2012 which will hopefully be a year of healing, helping others, and setting up a new normal for us.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Why Us?
One of those questions that comes to mind is "Why Us?" We did everything right, we're good people, this wasn't supposed to happen. Why not us? Bad things happen to good people every day. Why would we think that we are so righteous that we'd be exempt from having something like this happen? Our lives, especially the past few years, have been so blessed but things can't go right all the time. If nothing bad ever happened we would take the good for granted.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, and in someways I feel it is better that it happened to us then others. Clay and I have each other. We have a strong marriage, and we are working to have this bring us closer together. We both have wonderful families and friends who have been and will help us through everything. I have a job that has allowed me to be out on disability basically since July 15th, and they will welcome me back in two weeks with no repercussions for being gone. Clay found a job two weeks before I went out on leave that has been mostly able to cover the difference between my normal pay and my disability pay, and even though he's pretty new there, they have let him have any time off he's needed. The medical bills that have been coming in are overwhelming, but I have good insurance. We can absorb the financial hit and recover from it. I can't imagine how people who are not close with the baby's other parent, who lose their jobs because of difficult pregnancies, who don't get disability or can't live on the reduced wages, who don't have insurance get through an experience like ours. Clay and I will make it through this together and hopefully end up being better people because of it.
I like to think that Kyler was too special to have to spend time in the world. He got to spend his whole life warm and cozy. He never had to experience pain, sadness or be cold before he was called back to heaven. I think God decided He needed Kyler back when I was 22 weeks pregnant but answered everyone's prayers by letting me carry him to full term. If I'd had him at 22 weeks he probably would have been born live but he wouldn't have survived and he wouldn't have been comfortable and I probably would have never known that I CAN carry a baby to full term.
We have a SHARE group meeting tonight and I am interested to see who is there. We went a month ago, only two weeks after we lost Kyler, and there was just us and one other couple who had lost their baby a few years ago. It helps really to talk to people who have been through a similar experience so I hope more people are there tonight, but I also hope we are the only ones there.. the only ones who need help this month.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, and in someways I feel it is better that it happened to us then others. Clay and I have each other. We have a strong marriage, and we are working to have this bring us closer together. We both have wonderful families and friends who have been and will help us through everything. I have a job that has allowed me to be out on disability basically since July 15th, and they will welcome me back in two weeks with no repercussions for being gone. Clay found a job two weeks before I went out on leave that has been mostly able to cover the difference between my normal pay and my disability pay, and even though he's pretty new there, they have let him have any time off he's needed. The medical bills that have been coming in are overwhelming, but I have good insurance. We can absorb the financial hit and recover from it. I can't imagine how people who are not close with the baby's other parent, who lose their jobs because of difficult pregnancies, who don't get disability or can't live on the reduced wages, who don't have insurance get through an experience like ours. Clay and I will make it through this together and hopefully end up being better people because of it.
I like to think that Kyler was too special to have to spend time in the world. He got to spend his whole life warm and cozy. He never had to experience pain, sadness or be cold before he was called back to heaven. I think God decided He needed Kyler back when I was 22 weeks pregnant but answered everyone's prayers by letting me carry him to full term. If I'd had him at 22 weeks he probably would have been born live but he wouldn't have survived and he wouldn't have been comfortable and I probably would have never known that I CAN carry a baby to full term.
We have a SHARE group meeting tonight and I am interested to see who is there. We went a month ago, only two weeks after we lost Kyler, and there was just us and one other couple who had lost their baby a few years ago. It helps really to talk to people who have been through a similar experience so I hope more people are there tonight, but I also hope we are the only ones there.. the only ones who need help this month.
Friday, December 16, 2011
My Take on the Duggar's Loss of their Baby Jubilee
Not too long before we left I heard that the Duggars from 19 Kids and Counting were expecting another baby. I've watched the TV shows about the Duggar's for years and I'll admit, at first I was very judgmental of them, but there was something about the show I liked and I kept watching. After watching for a while I started to find things about them that I liked a lot. They have a lot of kids, BUT they take care of them. There are plenty of people I know that only have 1 or 2 kids and don't take care of them. They seem to have raised all of their kids to be good people. And from what I've seen they have their beliefs, but try not to judge people who do not share their beliefs. If you watch them, they are not shy to share their beliefs BUT I don't think I've ever heard them say that everyone needs to believe the same way they do. A few years ago I decided I wanted to try and take the judgement out of my life as well. I realized I do not have the answers, I have my beliefs but who am I to say someone else's beliefs are wrong? As long as your beliefs and life choices are not hurting anyone else what does it matter to me? Of course, as a human, I do not always succeed in this, but I do try. That being said, do I personally have the same beliefs as the Duggars? No I don't, but what does it matter. It is what they believe and they have a nice family and are not hurting anyone.
While I was pregnant, their decision to share their story about their premature baby, Josie, was a blessing to me. Their last baby was born at 25 weeks and her story gave me hope. I was only 22 weeks pregnant with Kyler when I was told that labor was pretty much imminent, and I just kept thinking, if I can make it just a few more weeks he'll be as old as she was and he would have a chance. I knew it wasn't a guarantee and that it would still be a hard road, but I had hope. Once I made it past 25 weeks I kept thinking he was another week older then Josie, he'd have one less week of the struggle and complications she went through.
Anyway when I found out they were expecting another child I was happy for them but I was very jealous. They already have 19 living children and I don't even have one. I felt bad about my jealousy but I couldn't control it. I didn't think I could bare to watch the show anymore.
On Thursday I screwing around on the internet and found out they had lost the baby. She went in for her 19 week ultrasound and found the baby's heart wasn't beating. Now they are going through what we went through, but they are doing it in the public spotlight and every decision they have made and are making is being judged. I can't imagine being in their shoes. When we lost Kyler all I wanted to do was be alone with my husband for at least a week. We didn't really want anyone else's input we just wanted to do things our way and make our own decisions. We needed to find what helped us. I feel bad that I was so jealous of them, but it wasn't something I could control, and yes of course I am going to keep watching their show.
Yesterday one of the organizations that I "like" on facebook that has been helping us with Kyler's loss brought up an article from TMZ that was bashing the Duggars for "taking pictures of their fetal corpse and sharing them at the memorial service." TMZ also showed the pictures. This makes me so angry. First, I can tell you, it is not a "fetal corpse" it is their baby. The pictures they had taken were taken by Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a national organization who's mission is to give parents suffering the loss of a baby the gift of free professional (beautiful) portraits of their baby. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is the same organization who came in and took pictures of Kyler for us. I admit when I was in the hospital and they first told me about the pictures, I was a bit taken a back but once I looked at their brochure, I realized what an opportunity they were giving me to remember Kyler and how beautiful the pictures would be. Why does TMZ feel they have the right to judge the Duggar's for having the pictures taken and who are they to share them? Especially in the Duggar's time of grief. Personally I don't think we will ever share Kyler's pictures online. I am not ashamed of the pictures, but they are pretty personal. If you ever are around and want to see our pictures we'll be happy to show you. They are a wonderful reminder for us how beautiful and real he was. I understand that everyone doesn't feel right looking at the pictures but if it helps us, what does it matter to you? If the Duggar's want to share their pictures, let them do it themselves. If you don't want to see them, don't look.
I think that is the end of my rant for the day. While you are thinking of us and Kyler this holiday season, please think of the Duggars and their baby, Jubilee, as well as everyone else who has lost a baby this year and in years past.
While I was pregnant, their decision to share their story about their premature baby, Josie, was a blessing to me. Their last baby was born at 25 weeks and her story gave me hope. I was only 22 weeks pregnant with Kyler when I was told that labor was pretty much imminent, and I just kept thinking, if I can make it just a few more weeks he'll be as old as she was and he would have a chance. I knew it wasn't a guarantee and that it would still be a hard road, but I had hope. Once I made it past 25 weeks I kept thinking he was another week older then Josie, he'd have one less week of the struggle and complications she went through.
Anyway when I found out they were expecting another child I was happy for them but I was very jealous. They already have 19 living children and I don't even have one. I felt bad about my jealousy but I couldn't control it. I didn't think I could bare to watch the show anymore.
On Thursday I screwing around on the internet and found out they had lost the baby. She went in for her 19 week ultrasound and found the baby's heart wasn't beating. Now they are going through what we went through, but they are doing it in the public spotlight and every decision they have made and are making is being judged. I can't imagine being in their shoes. When we lost Kyler all I wanted to do was be alone with my husband for at least a week. We didn't really want anyone else's input we just wanted to do things our way and make our own decisions. We needed to find what helped us. I feel bad that I was so jealous of them, but it wasn't something I could control, and yes of course I am going to keep watching their show.
Yesterday one of the organizations that I "like" on facebook that has been helping us with Kyler's loss brought up an article from TMZ that was bashing the Duggars for "taking pictures of their fetal corpse and sharing them at the memorial service." TMZ also showed the pictures. This makes me so angry. First, I can tell you, it is not a "fetal corpse" it is their baby. The pictures they had taken were taken by Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a national organization who's mission is to give parents suffering the loss of a baby the gift of free professional (beautiful) portraits of their baby. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is the same organization who came in and took pictures of Kyler for us. I admit when I was in the hospital and they first told me about the pictures, I was a bit taken a back but once I looked at their brochure, I realized what an opportunity they were giving me to remember Kyler and how beautiful the pictures would be. Why does TMZ feel they have the right to judge the Duggar's for having the pictures taken and who are they to share them? Especially in the Duggar's time of grief. Personally I don't think we will ever share Kyler's pictures online. I am not ashamed of the pictures, but they are pretty personal. If you ever are around and want to see our pictures we'll be happy to show you. They are a wonderful reminder for us how beautiful and real he was. I understand that everyone doesn't feel right looking at the pictures but if it helps us, what does it matter to you? If the Duggar's want to share their pictures, let them do it themselves. If you don't want to see them, don't look.
I think that is the end of my rant for the day. While you are thinking of us and Kyler this holiday season, please think of the Duggars and their baby, Jubilee, as well as everyone else who has lost a baby this year and in years past.
6 Weeks In
This morning I was thinking that I hadn't made a post in a while and I really needed to. I really want to keep this up. Now that I've told Kyler's story, I want to focus more on how we are honoring him and to a lesser extent how we are coping with our new lives. At first I thought that there wasn't much that we've done so far, but then when I thought about it more I decided there were a few things. The things I have done for Kyler are more things that I haven't done, and when you think about it they are actually huge.
- I haven't started smoking again
- I haven't started drinking again
- I haven't been abusing the sedatives and narcotics that were prescribed to me
- I haven't allowed myself to stay in bed all day every day
- I haven't allowed myself to isolate
It's only been about 6 weeks since we lost Kyler, so I think we are doing great.
We have done just a couple other things. My husband has a co-worker who had a baby with in weeks of when we had Kyler, and his co-worker was struggling with being able to buy a carseat/stroller set. We gave him Kyler's. We are glad it is going to good use and keeping another precious little baby safe. We have a friend who lives down the street who just had a baby in July. We were able to give her Kyler's movement/sound monitor and breast pump. Again, we love that we were able to keep another baby safe and healthy. Tomorrow I am going to have one of my friends take all the formula samples we acquired (like 8 cans) to his church go give to someone in need. Hopefully they will keep another baby or two from being hungry this Christmas.
While we were still in the hospital one of my Aunts, who had also lost a baby, suggested that we plan to get out of town for a week or soon as soon as we could. We talked to the doctor about it and she also thought it was a good idea as long as I made sure to rest and heal while we were gone. Well, thanks to my mom and brothers we were able to make that suggestion a reality. I was able to sit on a warm beach for a week, rather sit on the couch looking out at the frigid Idaho winter. It was wonderful for multiple reasons. Since I went on bedrest July 15, I missed most of the summer, my favorite time of year. It also removed us from the reminders and the sorrow and reminded us that the world is still a beautiful place and we can still have a good time. This is not to say that we forgot about Kyler while we were there, we thought about him every day, but the horribleness of the whole situation was more muted. While we were there we went out on a deserted beach in the middle of a storm and released rose petals in memory of Kyler. We were meaning to just put them in the ocean, but as we opened the container the wind picked up and spread them all down the beach and in the water. It was a beautiful flurry of rose petals. It was perfect.
Even though we are not in much of a Christmas mood this year we both decided to put in a little bit of effort towards celebrating. We both really like decorating so we decided even if we didn't do anything else this year we needed to decorate the house, yard and get a tree. Since we were gone, we didn't get a chance to get the tree up until this week but I am glad we did it. Before we left we ordered a personalized ornament for Kyler and we think it is perfect.
I'm not sure how Christmas will go this year but I am sure Kyler wouldn't want us not not celebrate it.
- I haven't started smoking again
- I haven't started drinking again
- I haven't been abusing the sedatives and narcotics that were prescribed to me
- I haven't allowed myself to stay in bed all day every day
- I haven't allowed myself to isolate
It's only been about 6 weeks since we lost Kyler, so I think we are doing great.
We have done just a couple other things. My husband has a co-worker who had a baby with in weeks of when we had Kyler, and his co-worker was struggling with being able to buy a carseat/stroller set. We gave him Kyler's. We are glad it is going to good use and keeping another precious little baby safe. We have a friend who lives down the street who just had a baby in July. We were able to give her Kyler's movement/sound monitor and breast pump. Again, we love that we were able to keep another baby safe and healthy. Tomorrow I am going to have one of my friends take all the formula samples we acquired (like 8 cans) to his church go give to someone in need. Hopefully they will keep another baby or two from being hungry this Christmas.
While we were still in the hospital one of my Aunts, who had also lost a baby, suggested that we plan to get out of town for a week or soon as soon as we could. We talked to the doctor about it and she also thought it was a good idea as long as I made sure to rest and heal while we were gone. Well, thanks to my mom and brothers we were able to make that suggestion a reality. I was able to sit on a warm beach for a week, rather sit on the couch looking out at the frigid Idaho winter. It was wonderful for multiple reasons. Since I went on bedrest July 15, I missed most of the summer, my favorite time of year. It also removed us from the reminders and the sorrow and reminded us that the world is still a beautiful place and we can still have a good time. This is not to say that we forgot about Kyler while we were there, we thought about him every day, but the horribleness of the whole situation was more muted. While we were there we went out on a deserted beach in the middle of a storm and released rose petals in memory of Kyler. We were meaning to just put them in the ocean, but as we opened the container the wind picked up and spread them all down the beach and in the water. It was a beautiful flurry of rose petals. It was perfect.
Even though we are not in much of a Christmas mood this year we both decided to put in a little bit of effort towards celebrating. We both really like decorating so we decided even if we didn't do anything else this year we needed to decorate the house, yard and get a tree. Since we were gone, we didn't get a chance to get the tree up until this week but I am glad we did it. Before we left we ordered a personalized ornament for Kyler and we think it is perfect.
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