Why Us?

One of those questions that comes to mind is "Why Us?"  We did everything right, we're good people, this wasn't supposed to happen.  Why not us?  Bad things happen to good people every day.  Why would we think that we are so righteous that we'd be exempt from having something like this happen?  Our lives, especially the past few years, have been so blessed but things can't go right all the time.  If nothing bad ever happened we would take the good for granted.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, and in someways I feel it is better that it happened to us then others.  Clay and I have each other.  We have a strong marriage, and we are working to have this bring us closer together.  We both have wonderful families and friends who have been and will help us through everything.  I have a job that has allowed me to be out on disability basically since July 15th, and they will welcome me back in two weeks with no repercussions for being gone.  Clay found a job two weeks before I went out on leave that has been mostly able to cover the difference between my normal pay and my disability pay, and even though he's pretty new there, they have let him have any time off he's needed.  The medical bills that have been coming in are overwhelming, but I have good insurance.  We can absorb the financial hit and recover from it.  I can't imagine how people who are not close with the baby's other parent, who lose their jobs because of difficult pregnancies, who don't get disability or can't live on the reduced wages, who don't have insurance get through an experience like ours.  Clay and I will make it through this together and hopefully end up being better people because of it.

I like to think that Kyler was too special to have to spend time in the world.  He got to spend his whole life warm and cozy.  He never had to experience pain, sadness or be cold before he was called back to heaven.  I think God decided He needed Kyler back when I was 22 weeks pregnant but answered everyone's prayers by letting me carry him to full term.  If I'd had him at 22 weeks he probably would have been born live but he wouldn't have survived and he wouldn't have been comfortable and I probably would have never known that I CAN carry a baby to full term.

We have a SHARE group meeting tonight and I am interested to see who is there.  We went a month ago, only two weeks after we lost Kyler, and there was just us and one other couple who had lost their baby a few years ago.  It helps really to talk to people who have been through a similar experience so I hope more people are there tonight, but I also hope we are the only ones there.. the only ones who need help this month.