Three Years Ago Everything was Perfect

Three years ago everything was perfect.  I was 20 weeks pregnant with Kyler.  It was his first 4th of July.  We went out and watched the fireworks with my brothers family.  Kyler was moving.  I remember thinking it was his first 4th of July (my favorite holiday) of many.  I was just happy.  We didn't know he was a boy yet, that appointment was 11 days later.  Today we went and visited Kyler.  It is Kalen's second 4th of July.  Kyler only got one, Kalen is on his second.

Kalen's birthday was this week.  It was perfect.  He got a million toys and loved them all.  He is such a wonderful loving, happy little boy.  He is our happiness.  I let him fall asleep in my arms every night, I know I am creating bad habits but I don't care.  Sometimes it breaks my heart to have to put him in his crib when he falls asleep.  I just want to hold him forever.

July 15th marks 3 years since our innocence was taken away.  July 15th, the first time I was told there was a good chance my baby wouldn't live.  Sometimes I wish I could go back and just pause time on July 14, 2011 and live in that happy ignorant time forever.

I am thinking about going back to school.  When I was younger I wanted to be a nurse.  Well actually for quite a while I wanted to be a doctor (at St Jude specifically), but I decided I didn't want to do that much school.  If I had been allowed to graduate high school a year early (I had all my credits), I probably would be a nurse.  Somewhere between the end of my Junior year and when I enrolled in college classes a year later, I changed my mind.  Now I am thinking that changing my mind and my major back then was just a detour and that I am just about ready to get back on the main road I was supposed to be on.  I am not totally sure that nursing is exactly what I want to do but I think I want to do some sort of heath profession.  I want to make a difference in someone's life.  I am going to feel it out this fall and take a medical terminology class and see how it goes.  When I filled out my college application this week I put myself down as a associates in biology, health care emphasis major.  There are a bunch of programs in this area I could go into.  Today I am thinking radiology or health care laboratory, instead of nursing, but we'll see what I think after taking a class.