Happy 1st Birthday Kyler

Yesterday was Kyler's first birthday.  It wasn't as bad as we thought it would be.  We slept in, went  and voted, and went to breakfast.  After breakfast we took a bunch of things out to Kyler's grave.  We got him two balloons  a happy birthday one, and a big number 1.  We also got him a birthday hat that said happy birthday, and some flowers.  Quite a few people had already been out there and since they are no longer mowing all the stuff we've taken in the past few weeks is still there.  He's got a lot of stuff.

After we dropped off his things we went to the zoo.  It was a beautiful day.

After the zoo we went shopping.  I taught my husband a little about "retail therapy."  We really didn't buy that much, but it was kind of fun.  We did end up with a blu-ray player that he is pretty excited about.

After shopping we went to dinner and then came home, had cake and watched movies on the new blu-ray player.  The cake that the bakery made for Kyler was perfect.

Oh, and Ranon snuggled up with Kyler's bear for a while.

(Okay, I admit it, I put the bear under his paw, but he stayed like that for a long time)

So a year later, we are doing okay.  I would give anything to have Kyler back, but I have received some great gifts because of his loss.  Clay and I are stronger in our relationship then I think we ever could have been.  Both of us have a much better idea of what we want in life, what is important, and what is not worth worrying about.  We have met some great people because of his loss, and reconnected with others.  We have a much better support system then we did before. We have a much better idea who we want to put the effort into maintaining relationships with and who's drama isn't worth it.  I am a bit better at standing up for myself.  I have always wanted to do things for others, but never got it done.. not any more, now I do it.

I am excited about the next year, I think it will be good to us.  I haven't cried in a couple weeks.  I know the tears will come back, but it has been nice to have a little break.

One Year Ago

One year ago today, November 5th, by this time, about noon.  Kyler was dead.  I know he was.  I had gotten up pretty early that day and was sitting on the couch watching TV and he had the hiccups.  That was the last time I felt him move, after that I am pretty sure he was gone.  I had a feeling that something was wrong, but then I also thought I was making things up.  We spent the rest of the day that day getting his room ready.

I took today and tomorrow off of work.  I was planning on just hiding my head under the covers all day today but alas, I had lots of things I had to get done.  I had to go get my drivers license renewed, and take my wedding ring in to get re-sized.  Later today I have to go back and pick up my ring, pick up Kyler's cake and maybe some balloons for him.

It is a beautiful day outside.  I bought 75 or so spring bulbs a few weeks ago and I am going to go and get them planted here in a few minutes.  I am glad that I took today off work.  I guess I am glad I got out of bed.  Tomorrow is going to be rough too, but Clay has the day off.  We will make it special.