Things are going

Things are going for me. Somedays are good some are bad. Some are a mix. Today everything is fine, but I've been fighting anger all day. I really just want to pick a fight. Thankfully no one is taking the bait so far.

In the past couple weeks it seems like everyone is having a baby. The pregnant girl had her baby. I had a hard time with that. I heard she was going into labor and it just felt so unfair. Of course she was going to go into labor and have a happy healthy baby a few hours later. That's how it works for everyone. Everyone but me. It's not at all that I wish this on anyone else, I just wish their reality on myself. My boss left me off the announcement email. I think that's better for me. One of my other co-workers wife's had a baby last week too. I'm happy for him. I've always just thought he was a nice guy. Not that I don't like the other coworker. It's just complicated. There is one more girl who is pregnant at work. She is due in December. I haven't had as strong of a reaction to her as other pregnant people. I'm not sure why. Sometimes she gets to me, but nothing like the random pregnant women in the supermarket. Maybe I am just desensitized to her. She is having a boy and so did the guy. I went and looked through Kyler's stuff last night to see if there was anything I could give either of them, but I didn't find anything I could part with. Maybe I'll go look again in a week or so.

Christmas is coming up quick. I think rather then do any gifts we will do some things in remembrance of Kyler. I was thinking we'd make donations to "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep", "Project Bear", "Mom of an Angel", "Handmade Memories" and "Share". Along with some charity toy donations and some more blankets. Maybe we will ask others to do this instead of getting us gifts. We'll see that plan is still forming.