I am having another baby this week. I am pregnant with a little girl and I am scheduled to have a c-section on Friday unless she decides she wants to come earlier. My pregnancy this time has been a lot easier in many ways. I haven't had any complications, no bedrest or activity restrictions, I was able to continue working the entire pregnancy. I am grateful that I have been able to have one "normal" pregnancy, but even my "normal" pregnancy is not a normal happy pregnancy. Getting pregnant does not mean I automatically get to take home a baby. Having no complications does not mean I automatically get to take home a baby. I sit here at 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant feeling her wiggle around and that does not automatically mean I get to take home a baby. "Aren't you glad you've made it?" people ask. I haven't made it, she could still die. Don't get me wrong, I want her to live, I need her to live, but just because she is here now doesn't automatically mean she will. I know that all too well. Kyler was alive and perfect at this point too.
I've enjoyed this pregnancy more then with Kyler or Kalen and I've allowed myself to get more invested. Now that we are down to the final week I'm excited and I'm super scared that I'm excited. What if something happens? I know statistics are on my side, statistically nothing should happen. Statistics were in my side with Kyler too, statistically nothing should have happened with him. Statistics say he should be here now.
So here we are, less then a week away from having our baby girl. I can't stop thinking how much I want to hold and snuggle her... I, also, can't stop thinking that there is a chance that won't happen.
Hopefully a week from now we will be hanging out with our little boy and little girl. One of each just like we always wanted. Our family, though, will still be far from being complete. Our family will never be complete without Kyler.
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