Friday November 4th. The last time the world had a Friday November 4th I was happily pregnant with my first child. We had just recently made it "out of the woods" with the pregnancy. I had completed more then 3 months of strict bed rest due to complications that had arose during the 22nd week of pregnancy, but I made it. I was full term. I was back at work waiting out the remaining days until he arrived, pushing his little feet and bum down out of my rib cage while I did the menial tasks my work was nice enough to give me since they knew my return would be short lived. I joked with my coworkers who said they were prepared to deliver my baby right there in the middle of the call center should the need arise. I told everyone how relieved I was that he wasn't going to be a Halloween baby and how I was hoping he wouldn't be born on my birthday. I confided in one of my other co-workers how scared I was of becoming a mom. I had no doubt that he would be born alive and healthy.
I was wrong.
Within 24 hours he was dead.
This is the first time since he was born that the dates of the year line up with the same days of the week as 2011. Although each year is a tiny bit easier to deal with then the one before, the days of the week lining up this year has made it harder.
We are taking our two beautiful rainbow babies and running away tomorrow. Out of the chilly fall valley that triggers my flashbacks and panic attacks. I'm a firm believer that sometimes it is just better to run away and avoid triggers. Hopefully tomorrow as we get farther from the valley the gloom and pain will start to lift, like it has in years past and we can have a nice little vacation/remembrance/birthday at the coast.
I just have to make it though today, first.
We love you and miss you Kyler. Every. Single. Day.
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