My Take on the Duggar's Loss of their Baby Jubilee

Not too long before we left I heard that the Duggars from 19 Kids and Counting were expecting another baby.  I've watched the TV shows about the Duggar's for years and I'll admit, at first I was very judgmental of them, but there was something about the show I liked and I kept watching.  After watching for a while I started to find things about them that I liked a lot.  They have a lot of kids, BUT they take care of them.  There are plenty of people I know that only have 1 or 2 kids and don't take care of them.  They seem to have raised all of their kids to be good people.  And from what I've seen they have their beliefs, but try not to judge people who do not share their beliefs.  If you watch them, they are not shy to share their beliefs BUT I don't think I've ever heard them say that everyone needs to believe the same way they do.  A few years ago I decided I wanted to try and take the judgement out of my life as well.  I realized I do not have the answers, I have my beliefs but who am I to say someone else's beliefs are wrong?  As long as your beliefs and life choices are not hurting anyone else what does it matter to me?  Of course, as a human, I do not always succeed in this, but I do try.  That being said, do I personally have the same beliefs as the Duggars?  No I don't, but what does it matter.  It is what they believe and they have a nice family and are not hurting anyone.

While I was pregnant, their decision to share their story about their premature baby, Josie, was a blessing to me.  Their last baby was born at 25 weeks and her story gave me hope.  I was only 22 weeks pregnant with Kyler when I was told that labor was pretty much imminent, and I just kept thinking, if I can make it just a few more weeks he'll be as old as she was and he would have a chance.  I knew it wasn't a guarantee and that it would still be a hard road, but I had hope.  Once I made it past 25 weeks I kept thinking he was another week older then Josie, he'd have one less week of the struggle and complications she went through.  

Anyway when I found out they were expecting another child I was happy for them but I was very jealous.  They already have 19 living children and I don't even have one.  I felt bad about my jealousy but I couldn't control it.  I didn't think I could bare to watch the show anymore.

On Thursday I screwing around on the internet and found out they had lost the baby.  She went in for her 19 week ultrasound and found the baby's heart wasn't beating.  Now they are going through what we went through, but they are doing it in the public spotlight and every decision they have made and are making is being judged.  I can't imagine being in their shoes.  When we lost Kyler all I wanted to do was be alone with my husband for at least a week.  We didn't really want anyone else's input we just wanted to do things our way and make our own decisions.  We needed to find what helped us.  I feel bad that I was so jealous of them, but it wasn't something I could control, and yes of course I am going to keep watching their show.

Yesterday one of the organizations that I "like" on facebook that has been helping us with Kyler's loss brought up an article from TMZ that was bashing the Duggars for "taking pictures of their fetal corpse and sharing them at the memorial service."  TMZ also showed the pictures.  This makes me so angry.  First, I can tell you, it is not a "fetal corpse" it is their baby.  The pictures they had taken were taken by Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a national organization who's mission is to give parents suffering the loss of a baby the gift of free professional (beautiful) portraits of their baby.  Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is the same organization who came in and took pictures of Kyler for us.  I admit when I was in the hospital and they first told me about the pictures, I was a bit taken a back but once I looked at their brochure, I realized what an opportunity they were giving me to remember Kyler and how beautiful the pictures would be.  Why does TMZ feel they have the right to judge the Duggar's for having the pictures taken and who are they to share them?  Especially in the Duggar's time of grief.  Personally I don't think we will ever share Kyler's pictures online.  I am not ashamed of the pictures, but they are pretty personal.  If you ever are around and want to see our pictures we'll be happy to show you.  They are a wonderful reminder for us how beautiful and real he was.  I understand that everyone doesn't feel right looking at the pictures but if it helps us, what does it matter to you?  If the Duggar's want to share their pictures, let them do it themselves.  If you don't want to see them, don't look.

I think that is the end of my rant for the day.  While you are thinking of us and Kyler this holiday season, please think of the Duggars and their baby, Jubilee, as well as everyone else who has lost a baby this year and in years past.