Today as I was finishing eating dinner off the paper plates we used because our sink is full of dirty dishes from the weekend and the dishwasher is full of clean dishes from last week, while I was moving the load of clean laundry from last weekend to the baskets that were already overflowing with clean laundry from the previous weeks, so I could put the load of laundry that I had to do today so I'd have clean work clothes tomorrow in the dryer, I asked my husband.. "Are we really functioning adults?" We stood back together and looked at the mess in the kitchen, living room, and laundry room and agreed "not really." We concluded we were "regressed low functioning adults" and then I turned on the dryer, threw the paper plate away, and headed outside to enjoy the nice evening and blow some bubbles.
Our priorities have changed a lot. Someday I may care again (at least as much as I did before) that the laundry gets done in a timely manner and then actually gets put away, dishes get done and the house looks neat. Part of it is I can't remember to do a lot of things, but mostly it is that I don't care and most of it doesn't really matter. Don't get me wrong, we do enough to get by. I set reminders to do the important things like pay bills or do loads of laundry. Our house is not super dirty, we do the dishes and laundry when we really need to. We pick up the house once a month or so, but it just isn't a priority. It is much more important to me right now that we do as much fun stuff as we can, and be outside as much as we can. Last weekend I went to the gym both days, we ran some small errands, went on a picnic, played catch for the first time in a decade, fixed our bikes and went for a bike ride, hiked to table rock, went to a friends birthday party, went to the zoo, worked in the garden, played with the dog, blew about half a million bubbles and just enjoyed ourselves. It was the best weekend. Maybe being a functioning adult is overrated.
My counselor and I are working on a mindset change for me. For most of my life, I spent most of my time worrying about how I'm going to make others feel. I don't want to be a burden or bother to anyone else. My counselor said that she thinks I want to fly under the radar... way too far under the radar. She's right, and it's always been that way. I over think things, worry too much, let people push me around and hold things in. She thinks that is part of why I've been having problems at work. We'll see how this works out. I've already been more, shall we say, outgoing, since we lost Kyler. I'll probably end up getting fired for being too outspoken, lol.
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