Easter

Today is Easter. A couple of day ago was 5 months since we had Kyler.   Five months is such a long time, but it's not. No wonder people are starting to get tired of making accommodations for me. I'd probably be tired of it too, if I were in their shoes, but that doesn't change the fact that we are still very effected by Kyler's life and death on a daily basis.  I'm doing a little better then just being a functioning adult most days.. but not a lot more.

We spent nearly all day yesterday outside working in the yard. It was so beautiful. It is so much easier for me to get motivated to work in the yard now. 8 months ago I would have traded anything (except Kyler) to just be able to go sit outside let alone be able to do some productive work.  I think this weekend I was probably outside in the sun for at least 10 hours each day.  I can't wait for summer!

I'm still having a bit of trouble with work.  Last week I did my job as the needed me to every day, but I also spent every day pretty heavily sedated.  I hate taking the sedatives, especially since I don't need them much outside of work now, but that's what I needed to get through the week.  I made through the week and now I get to do training for 3 of the next 4 weeks.  Hopefully that goes well.   It should.  I'll wait until I'm done with training to worry again about what to do about work.

 Today wasn't too bad of a day.  It was very busy.  I got up early and went and left an Easter basket at one of my friends who's been really supportive front door.  Then I came home and went back to bed.  The Easter bunny visited us even though we forgot to dig out the baskets.

  Clay and the dog and I slept in late and then went to the gym.  After the gym we came home and cleaned up and went a few things for Kyler.  We got him a pinwheel and a couple of plastic Easter eggs that looked like monkeys.

Then we came home and I went for a walk with one of my friends.  Then we went to dinner with my husband's family.  I was pretty sure I wasn't in any mood to go but decided to go anyway, after taking a sedative.. which tends to loosen my tongue a little.  I probably should have stayed home.  Someone there was complaining about some medical bills they have.  I couldn't hold my tongue, and I told them yeah, we've got A LOT of medical bills... for a dead baby.  Oops.  What I perceive as ungratefulness drives me crazy.  The rest of the dinner was okay.  I was able to hold my tongue for the rest of it, mostly by tuning out and playing with my phone.  At least we got to sit out side in the sun.  Then we came home and I blew some bubbles (I bought some colored bubbles a few weeks ago and love them), planted some seedlings and sat outside in the sun some more.  The sun feels so wonderful.  Ranon thinks so too.

Since I am training for the next month is is going to be May before I know it, six months after Kyler,  and summer.  I will enjoy every warm day in the sun that I can this summer.  Hopefully I do a better job applying the sunblock then I did today, though.