Another week another doctor appointment, well I am supposed to have them every two weeks, but this time to get the scheduling worked out they were back to back weeks. We got to see little buddy again and he was very active. He moved his arms, lets and opened and closed his mouth. The doctor said everything is going good, no more restrictions but strict orders to not do any more then I have been. I guess I'll keep holding down my spot on the couch when I am not at work. I am catching up pretty quick on all my "trash" tv, not sure what I'll do when I am caught up.
Our dog has been very clingy to me. He wasn't like this with Kyler. It is pretty rare that he is not snuggled up with me when I am home. I hope that's a good sign.
I also want to say how grateful I am to have Clay. Sometimes he drives me crazy and I am sure I drive him crazy as well but he is great and we are great together. I was thinking about it tonight and about some of the guys before Clay, and how awful they were. I found out one of them has a divorce and a couple of very similarly aged kids by two baby momma's under his belt. I am so lucky that I found my way to Clay, even if I have to nag him a little and he can't give me shots.
Speaking of shots, I had my first shot of many today. It wasn't quite as bad as I remember, although I haven't tried to sleep on that side yet. I told the nurse that I wanted to do them on the day I worked early so I could go home and whine to Clay about it rather then my co-workers. :D She told Clay he better have some flowers or bling for me every Thursday afternoon. I think I'll take him just putting up with my whining.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Feeling kind of useless
I feel like I should preface this with, I didn't sleep well last night and I am tired. The more tired I am the more "crazy" I get.
It's been a couple weeks since I was put on activity restrictions and started working 20 hours a week and I am starting to feel isolated and alone. I had to quit the food bank, I don't see may people at work. I can't go do much at all outside of work. Even going to the grocery store is a struggle.
There is a lot of important, useful, stuff I could be doing for work, but it is hard to get it done in 4 hours a day. It's stuff I could do from home and I think that would make me feel accomplished but I am not allowed. HR doesn't like to have hourly associates work from home. I think it is doable but I don't think that my boss has the time to try and get it approved. Even though I do contribute when I am at work, it feels like I've been or should be written off. After all we have no idea how long I'm going to be able to do even the 20 hours a week. I'm slipping down the ladder watching everyone else climb much higher.
Today I went in for a staff meeting and pretty much just felt like an outsider. They decided that they are going to have a team get together outside of work some time soon. Not a big deal. The support staff is expected to come. The problem is one of the girls is going to bring her newborn. I still can't deal with babies, especially newborns. We had a Christmas party last month and I had a full on panic attack at the possibility that she was going to show up with her baby and ended up not going. Not sure how I'm going to deal with this mandatory socialization.
I've been trying to help around the house as much as I can, but I am pretty limited with that too. Clay is pretty much doing everything around the house. I get irritated when I feel like he has sat around and played on the computer or watched TV all day and didn't get anything done, but I don't really have a right to get irritated because I am sitting on the couch right next to him.
HR said that they would have a decision on my FMLA application by the end of the week. I'm worried about it, even-though there isn't any reason that it should be denied. But then again, I didn't think there was any reason my disability would be denied. I'm not sure what to do about the disability. I still think they are wrong, but I really don't want to deal with it, and I don't even know who could answer the questions I have about the policy.
We did get the results back on some of the testing we had done on the baby. We are in the lowest risk category for Trisomy and some other conditions. That is exciting. We also had an ultrasound on Monday and it looked encouraging. My cervix is measuring quite a bit longer then it was last time, although the doctor we saw said that he didn't expect it to start shortening for another couple weeks. We did get confirmation that it is a boy! Little buddy wasn't being cooperative with having his picture taken though, so we didn't get any good pictures of him. We have another doctor appointment/ultrasound on Tuesday. Maybe we'll get some good pictures then.
We got our "family" pictures back and they are pretty good. I am glad we did it. It was kind of a, look we survived a year and are doing okay kind of thing for me.
It's been a couple weeks since I was put on activity restrictions and started working 20 hours a week and I am starting to feel isolated and alone. I had to quit the food bank, I don't see may people at work. I can't go do much at all outside of work. Even going to the grocery store is a struggle.
There is a lot of important, useful, stuff I could be doing for work, but it is hard to get it done in 4 hours a day. It's stuff I could do from home and I think that would make me feel accomplished but I am not allowed. HR doesn't like to have hourly associates work from home. I think it is doable but I don't think that my boss has the time to try and get it approved. Even though I do contribute when I am at work, it feels like I've been or should be written off. After all we have no idea how long I'm going to be able to do even the 20 hours a week. I'm slipping down the ladder watching everyone else climb much higher.
Today I went in for a staff meeting and pretty much just felt like an outsider. They decided that they are going to have a team get together outside of work some time soon. Not a big deal. The support staff is expected to come. The problem is one of the girls is going to bring her newborn. I still can't deal with babies, especially newborns. We had a Christmas party last month and I had a full on panic attack at the possibility that she was going to show up with her baby and ended up not going. Not sure how I'm going to deal with this mandatory socialization.
I've been trying to help around the house as much as I can, but I am pretty limited with that too. Clay is pretty much doing everything around the house. I get irritated when I feel like he has sat around and played on the computer or watched TV all day and didn't get anything done, but I don't really have a right to get irritated because I am sitting on the couch right next to him.
HR said that they would have a decision on my FMLA application by the end of the week. I'm worried about it, even-though there isn't any reason that it should be denied. But then again, I didn't think there was any reason my disability would be denied. I'm not sure what to do about the disability. I still think they are wrong, but I really don't want to deal with it, and I don't even know who could answer the questions I have about the policy.
We did get the results back on some of the testing we had done on the baby. We are in the lowest risk category for Trisomy and some other conditions. That is exciting. We also had an ultrasound on Monday and it looked encouraging. My cervix is measuring quite a bit longer then it was last time, although the doctor we saw said that he didn't expect it to start shortening for another couple weeks. We did get confirmation that it is a boy! Little buddy wasn't being cooperative with having his picture taken though, so we didn't get any good pictures of him. We have another doctor appointment/ultrasound on Tuesday. Maybe we'll get some good pictures then.
We got our "family" pictures back and they are pretty good. I am glad we did it. It was kind of a, look we survived a year and are doing okay kind of thing for me.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Rollercoaster
It's been a bit of a roller coaster since my last post. I did go back to work that Monday for my full 10 hour shift. Less then an hour in I knew exactly why the doctors didn't seem too keen on me returning to work full time (even though they never told me not to.) There was a huge difference between puttering around the house and actually going to work. I was crampy, having some contractions and exhausted. I stuck it out Monday and Tuesday knowing that I had a doctor's appointment (and the day off) on Wednesday.
My doctor appointment went well but when we started talking about work, the doctor restricted me to 20 hours a week. It seemed perfect. My disability policy defines a disability as being unable to make at least 80% of your normal wage with a 7 day waiting period before they pay benefits. It seemed I would be able to get partial disability since I was working part time. I applied, but then they called me and denied me. They said that I would have to be out a full 7 days to be approved, even though their policy says 7 days of continuous disability and a disability is not being able to make 80% argh! So half the work means half the pay. If I was out completely I would get 60%. It feels like I am getting penalized because we are trying to keep things from getting bad.
After I realized I wasn't going to get paid full time I had another realization, my company doesn't provide health insurance for part time associates. My boss called HR for me and sure enough, if you average less then 32 hours a week you are not eligible. At this point I was really upset. How was I supposed to choose between working the 20 hours my doctor wanted me to and having health insurance, especially for the baby.
Luckily the next day (after a sleepless night) I remembered that I should qualify for FMLA and you can take it intermittently to cover shortened work weeks. I called HR again and they told me if I qualify for intermittent FMLA it will cover the hours that I need for health insurance. My doctor is supposed to get my paperwork in to them tomorrow or Tuesday. I am still nervous about being approved, but I should be. I've done some reading and most people who have a cerclage, even a preventive one, go out of work full time as soon as it is done. If I get approved then we just have to worry about money. That's a big worry but we will figure it out. Clay got laid off again at the first of the year, but he does qualify for unemployment so that will help us get by.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the specialist. They are supposed to do an ultrasound to see if my cervix has shortened any. If it has I will likely be on full time bedrest. I'll also see what he thinks about my working situation (it was my normal OB that put me on 20 hours a week). I am guessing that they should be able to tell for sure if it is a boy or girl tomorrow, since they could almost tell 5 weeks ago. I'm excited about that.
We has family pictures taken last weekend. I realized that the only professional pictures we had were of our wedding and the NILMDTS pictures that we had done in the hospital. We both wanted to take some pictures with the picture we had of Kyler, so we picked a photographer who also works with NILMDTS. We thought she would be more sensitive to what we wanted to do, and she defiantly was. We has a lot of fun, got the pictures we wanted with Kyler's picture and some other ones with our dog, Ranon, and just us together. We have gotten a few preview pictures so far and they are great. We should get the rest of them later this week.
Other then the drama with pay and insurance, working 20 hours has been pretty good. I get to sleep in as late as I need to, take a shower as late as I need to (showers have been a huge nausea trigger), take naps and just rest almost as much as I need to. I have been mostly sleeping and lying on the couch since she changed my hours. I think that the last 3 months of being so sick and exhausted and still working full time really took it's tole on me so it is nice to recover.
My doctor appointment went well but when we started talking about work, the doctor restricted me to 20 hours a week. It seemed perfect. My disability policy defines a disability as being unable to make at least 80% of your normal wage with a 7 day waiting period before they pay benefits. It seemed I would be able to get partial disability since I was working part time. I applied, but then they called me and denied me. They said that I would have to be out a full 7 days to be approved, even though their policy says 7 days of continuous disability and a disability is not being able to make 80% argh! So half the work means half the pay. If I was out completely I would get 60%. It feels like I am getting penalized because we are trying to keep things from getting bad.
After I realized I wasn't going to get paid full time I had another realization, my company doesn't provide health insurance for part time associates. My boss called HR for me and sure enough, if you average less then 32 hours a week you are not eligible. At this point I was really upset. How was I supposed to choose between working the 20 hours my doctor wanted me to and having health insurance, especially for the baby.
Luckily the next day (after a sleepless night) I remembered that I should qualify for FMLA and you can take it intermittently to cover shortened work weeks. I called HR again and they told me if I qualify for intermittent FMLA it will cover the hours that I need for health insurance. My doctor is supposed to get my paperwork in to them tomorrow or Tuesday. I am still nervous about being approved, but I should be. I've done some reading and most people who have a cerclage, even a preventive one, go out of work full time as soon as it is done. If I get approved then we just have to worry about money. That's a big worry but we will figure it out. Clay got laid off again at the first of the year, but he does qualify for unemployment so that will help us get by.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the specialist. They are supposed to do an ultrasound to see if my cervix has shortened any. If it has I will likely be on full time bedrest. I'll also see what he thinks about my working situation (it was my normal OB that put me on 20 hours a week). I am guessing that they should be able to tell for sure if it is a boy or girl tomorrow, since they could almost tell 5 weeks ago. I'm excited about that.
We has family pictures taken last weekend. I realized that the only professional pictures we had were of our wedding and the NILMDTS pictures that we had done in the hospital. We both wanted to take some pictures with the picture we had of Kyler, so we picked a photographer who also works with NILMDTS. We thought she would be more sensitive to what we wanted to do, and she defiantly was. We has a lot of fun, got the pictures we wanted with Kyler's picture and some other ones with our dog, Ranon, and just us together. We have gotten a few preview pictures so far and they are great. We should get the rest of them later this week.
Other then the drama with pay and insurance, working 20 hours has been pretty good. I get to sleep in as late as I need to, take a shower as late as I need to (showers have been a huge nausea trigger), take naps and just rest almost as much as I need to. I have been mostly sleeping and lying on the couch since she changed my hours. I think that the last 3 months of being so sick and exhausted and still working full time really took it's tole on me so it is nice to recover.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Recovering
My surgery went well. The anesthesiologist decided it would be easier on us both to just give me general anesthesia and I agreed. I didn't talk to the doctor after my surgery, but Clay did, and the doctor said it went well. I haven't had any problems or complications other then a sore throat from the breathing tube. The doctor sent me home with a few pain pills and I haven't even really needed them. I've just been sleeping and resting since then.
After I was in recovery I asked the nurses to check the baby's heartbeat and they told me they couldn't. I should have insisted but I wasn't really in the state of mind to fight with them. I haven't been very anxious about it anyway.
My regular doctor's office called to make sure I was doing okay today. That made me feel a bit better too. I have an appointment with them next week.
It looks like if everything continues to go well I will be back to work on Monday. I am just going to try and rest the rest of the weekend, although I am getting a little antsy.
We told Kyler to let the new baby know not to misbehave during and after the surgery, that the bright light wasn't showing him the exit and that his current digs are pretty good for the next 6 months. It seems he listened.
After I was in recovery I asked the nurses to check the baby's heartbeat and they told me they couldn't. I should have insisted but I wasn't really in the state of mind to fight with them. I haven't been very anxious about it anyway.
My regular doctor's office called to make sure I was doing okay today. That made me feel a bit better too. I have an appointment with them next week.
It looks like if everything continues to go well I will be back to work on Monday. I am just going to try and rest the rest of the weekend, although I am getting a little antsy.
We told Kyler to let the new baby know not to misbehave during and after the surgery, that the bright light wasn't showing him the exit and that his current digs are pretty good for the next 6 months. It seems he listened.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Hope
For the last few months we've been carrying around a big secret. We've been trying to get pregnant again since last June. It just wasn't happening and things didn't seem right. I went to the doctor at the beginning of October to get checked out and she said I was right, my chances of getting pregnant at the time were pretty small. She sent me home with some things to try and told us not to stop trying even though the odds didn't look great at that time.
Three weeks later I was registering for my heath insurance for next year and just before I was going to submit it, I thought, "I should probably check and see if I am pregnant before I submit these changes." I snuck off to take a test and sure enough, positive.
The time since then has been a whirlwind of work, doctor appointments, and the majority of the rest of the time spent sleeping or huddled over the toilet. At first we kept it a pretty big secret, only telling a couple of my close friends and my boss. I didn't really want to tell my boss that soon, but when I started puking regularly two days after I had a positive test I figured she should know.
Like I've said, we've been to the doctor lots, actually lots of doctors lots. At my first doctor's appointment with my regular doctor, the nurse proved herself to be the saint I knew she was. She came and got us out of the waiting room and diverted us to the ultrasound room right away. The baby really was in there and had a strong heart beat.
The regular doctor sent me to the specialist who put in my cerclage last time. They decided that a preventive cerclage would be better this time and scheduled me for surgery January 2nd. After we found out that the surgery was going to be so soon, we decided we better start telling more people. We told our families last week and have told a few more people since then. Everyone has been supportive.
Telling people is a lot harder then it was before. Lots of people have asked me, "this is a good thing, right?" like they don't think I am "appropriately" excited. I am excited to have a baby, it is what I want, what both of us want, but I know that being pregnant does not guarantee we will end up with a baby. I can't help but think that everyone we tell is someone we will have to "untell" if something happens. I guess you could say we are being cautiously optimistic
We had been saying the whole time we were trying that Kyler and my Sister were picking out Kyler's brother or sister for us and when the time was right and they were all done playing they would send the new baby to us. It was pretty perfect timing. We found out we were pregnant a week before Kyler's 1st Birthday. Being pregnant doesn't fix anything, but it does give us hope that we will get to be the parents we want to be. It made his birthday and the subsequent holidays a lot easier.
The new baby is due at the beginning of July. We are already thinking of late summer adventures that we can do with a new born. I think July and August will be prefect months to have off on maternity leave. I am also dreaming of extravagant water park birthday parties when he gets older. I always wished my birthday was in the summer.
Tomorrow is my cerclage. I hope it all goes well. I am definitely worrying more then I did last time, but I've seen what can go wrong. I know that the chances of anything going wrong this time are pretty slim, but then again the chances of anything happening last time were pretty slim too.
So right now we are asking for your prayers, positive thoughts, positive vibes or what ever your belief's are. We appreciate them all.
Here is his debut pictures. (Yeah, his. We had a detailed ultrasound and they couldn't tell for sure but they said 90% that it is another boy. We'll get that confirmed in the next couple months.)
Three weeks later I was registering for my heath insurance for next year and just before I was going to submit it, I thought, "I should probably check and see if I am pregnant before I submit these changes." I snuck off to take a test and sure enough, positive.
The time since then has been a whirlwind of work, doctor appointments, and the majority of the rest of the time spent sleeping or huddled over the toilet. At first we kept it a pretty big secret, only telling a couple of my close friends and my boss. I didn't really want to tell my boss that soon, but when I started puking regularly two days after I had a positive test I figured she should know.
Like I've said, we've been to the doctor lots, actually lots of doctors lots. At my first doctor's appointment with my regular doctor, the nurse proved herself to be the saint I knew she was. She came and got us out of the waiting room and diverted us to the ultrasound room right away. The baby really was in there and had a strong heart beat.
The regular doctor sent me to the specialist who put in my cerclage last time. They decided that a preventive cerclage would be better this time and scheduled me for surgery January 2nd. After we found out that the surgery was going to be so soon, we decided we better start telling more people. We told our families last week and have told a few more people since then. Everyone has been supportive.
Telling people is a lot harder then it was before. Lots of people have asked me, "this is a good thing, right?" like they don't think I am "appropriately" excited. I am excited to have a baby, it is what I want, what both of us want, but I know that being pregnant does not guarantee we will end up with a baby. I can't help but think that everyone we tell is someone we will have to "untell" if something happens. I guess you could say we are being cautiously optimistic
We had been saying the whole time we were trying that Kyler and my Sister were picking out Kyler's brother or sister for us and when the time was right and they were all done playing they would send the new baby to us. It was pretty perfect timing. We found out we were pregnant a week before Kyler's 1st Birthday. Being pregnant doesn't fix anything, but it does give us hope that we will get to be the parents we want to be. It made his birthday and the subsequent holidays a lot easier.
The new baby is due at the beginning of July. We are already thinking of late summer adventures that we can do with a new born. I think July and August will be prefect months to have off on maternity leave. I am also dreaming of extravagant water park birthday parties when he gets older. I always wished my birthday was in the summer.
Tomorrow is my cerclage. I hope it all goes well. I am definitely worrying more then I did last time, but I've seen what can go wrong. I know that the chances of anything going wrong this time are pretty slim, but then again the chances of anything happening last time were pretty slim too.
So right now we are asking for your prayers, positive thoughts, positive vibes or what ever your belief's are. We appreciate them all.
Here is his debut pictures. (Yeah, his. We had a detailed ultrasound and they couldn't tell for sure but they said 90% that it is another boy. We'll get that confirmed in the next couple months.)
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