Not Any Worse

In the last week things haven't gotten any worse, but they haven't gotten any better.  I still am pretty gloomy. I didn't miss any work last week, which was good, although I spent most of the week fighting anger and more then once almost said somethings to my boss that would have gotten me fired in a heartbeat.  I feel bad that Clay has to deal with me being grumpy and gloomy.  I want to go out and just have fun with him but I haven't been able to the last few weeks.  I try, it just doesn't happen.  I think he feels pretty helpless.  I do too.

I just checked my Facebook profile and I noticed that my announcement of Kyler's birth didn't show on my main page that bothered me, so I went through and found it.  While I was looking I read through all my posts from last year.  Sometimes I wish I could talk to that girl, warn her about the out of control run away train bearing down on her.  If she only knew... but then again, if she knew it wouldn't have made things better.  She would have spent 8 months worrying about the impending torture.  Anyway, I did find the post I made when I came back to Facebook after the week I spent deactivated.  I was able to read through all the comments, which I think is what I really wanted, and I was able to make it show up on my main timeline.

I am still having a hard time coming to terms with just how horrible of friends some of my "friends" ended up being in the end.  I swear, sometimes I think that they think if they ignore me I'll just disappear.  Yeah, I know, being my friend right now is difficult, awkward, and sad sometimes, but imagine what is is like to live our lives.  I am SOOO thankful for the two really good friends who have put in the effort and dealt with the awkwardness.  I don't know where I would be with out them.

I wish we had something to look forward to right now but we don't really.  I don't have any vacation scheduled off, there is no point.  We don't know how long Clay is going to be at the job he is at.  All the plans we've made recently have fell through or turned out badly.  We wanted to have the best summer ever, but summer is quickly passing by us.  We only get 2 days off together every two weeks, if that.  Maybe in September we'll be able to go do something.  We'll see.

We spent this weekend out looking at cars for Clay.  The car he has now is actually worth more now then we paid for it new!  It was never what he wanted, but it was what we needed.  Now the warranty is about to expire and it is almost paid off.  I have this bad feeling that if we don't get rid of it now the value will plummet, it will start having mechanical problems or both, so I want to get rid of it.  If we play our cards right we hopefully can get a little bit older, more reliable, nicer car and come out even.  We found a few we want to take a second look at.  We might be out signing paperwork tomorrow night.

Work is work.  It doesn't look like I am going back to my old job anytime soon.  At least not until the new project stabilizes.  I guess it is okay, I am not sure I want the old job either.  It is seeming like we were set up to fail with this new project.  I don't know what's going on behind the scenes, and I don't think I really want to.  I just need to stay away from that boss that makes me sooooooooo angry.  I've let myself get too overwhelmed, overworked, burnt out and invested with this project.  I've been working straight 10 hour days with out breaks or even really any time to even say hi to my co-workers.  I feel guilty if I step away from my desk long enough to use the restroom.  Even with as hard as I've been working I get messages from the one boss asking me to do more.. argh.  I don't need to do more.  I can't do more.  In fact I need to do less.  I need to slow down.  I'm going to start trying really hard to at least take my breaks and get in and out of there on time. 


Complain, complain, complain.  I know.  It's just how things are going right now.  I am still appreciating the little things, they are just being overshadowed by the not so great things.  Here's a few of the beautiful pictures I've taken in the past few weeks to lighten things up a bit.