All I Wanted Was A Baby

All I wanted was to have a baby.  Pretty simple right.  People have them every day, often by mistake, and it all works out.  We'd been married 3 years, together for 6, and planning for babies pretty much the whole time.  We had a house, two cars.  I had a good job, Clay was finishing his associates and was going to find a good job.  I had good health insurance, a flexible spending account.  We had savings.  We were happy.  It was time.

We didn't get the baby.

Now we have debt.  We have more sorrow then anyone should have.  I have a hard time going to work, but we need the money to pay the debt.  I was moved into a different position at work, that I don't like, but I don't want the old one back really either.  I want to quit more then I ever could have imagined was possible, but I'm stuck.  I can't even pretend that I would quit.  There is no way I could find another job that pays close to what the current one can and has benefits like I have now.  With out my job we don't keep the house and one of the cars.  We don't keep the health insurance that is keeping me in enough pills and counseling to get out of bed every day. We still have a little bit of savings that we need to keep in case I do go off the deep end.

I feel ungrateful.  We are doing okay.  We haven't lost the house, the cars, my job, our insurance.  But it's hard, really hard.

All I wanted was a baby.. all I still want is a baby